How Does One Go Backwards With Their Life
I don’t get it and I never have. I attended Head-Injury Support Groups more than a few times at the St. Paul Public Library in downtown St. Paul. After listening to the others talk about how happy they were and actually sensing their feelings I had to say something.
I was miserable and could hardly bare my existence any longer so I asked, “Why are you all so happy? Uh, sorry for interrupting.”
But then the facilitator of the group spoke up and said, “This is good and you’re the reason we’re here. No need to be sorry. I’m glad you interrupted! You know, too many times we forget our real purpose and that is to provide friendship and support to a fellow TBI sufferer. The rest all voiced their approval saying, “Yeah, yeah, yeah and clapping.
One of them spoke up and said, “You want to know why we’re happy? We’re happy because we lived!” And the chorus began with their yeah, yeah, yeah’s and clapping and showing their happiness, even those in wheelchairs.
I just couldn’t buy that phony happiness, so my reply to them was, “Happy you lived? We can’t do anything.” Well I wasn’t spoken to the rest of the evening. But what I said was true.
That only gave way to their propagandized thinking that they were doing something by getting up every day. Then by even more of the therapist riddled affirmations, “We take care of ourselves, we shower, brush our own teeth, shave ourselves, cook our own meals, make our beds and keep the home clean. And I’ve got a job interview next Thursday!”
“Ok, I’m sorry,” but I was thinking to myself the job must be something mindless and trivial for that was really all any of us were capable of doing. My dad always told me years before, “You don’t work for somebody unless you can really make a contribution to the outfit or at least help. Don’t be a token worker…just there to collect a check.”
Well there was no way I would be like that so I went back to school, but I had too many problems with that, writing and vision (unable to see all the words on the page) difficulties.
After an inability to master any of those classes (except for cultural anthropology) I went to a computer school. I did fantastic on all areas I learned 3.5 – 4.0 and my attendance was
100%, however, I could not get a job. The closest I came was an interview at a financial office. I went on the interview and passed all computer formatting and design skills but then came the personal interview. I always aced those before the car accident, but at this interview I replied in the same manner as I would have before the wreck. If only I would have remembered how poorly I sounded to others.
I was asked, “What would you do if you were on the phone with a demanding person and another at your desk? They were asking different questions and then one started complaining about the service he’d received?”
Well unable to discern anymore when joking would be appropriate I said (only as a joke), “Well if you guys did your job right there wouldn’t be any complaints.” I did not get the job even though they liked my computer work.
Then I was at the DOT – Department of Transportation briefly, but I could not deal with the slothfulness that the state job offered. There wasn’t much talk about work. The talk when they weren’t eating or drinking something was about where the taxpayers would send them that year for their vacations.