Filipina Bride – American Groom
(Never the twain will meet)
First off let me say that there are thousands of FilAm marriages that do work and even prosper. I have witnessed that good, caring life, though not personally. I swear I must have been married to the only remaining evil – Witch Doctress – in the Philippine’s.
My Filipina wife and I endured two barely tolerable years in the Pinas before coming to America for a “Visit.” The reason for the visit was to have Savannah meet her grandparents. I was able to obtain a two-month visitor visa for, Dang, (the first name on her birth certificate) and we, two weeks later, were boarding the plane – destination America with only one stop in Japan at Narita Airport (Tokyo).
You know Pen pal writing only reveals each of you at your best, naturally. You may be a lonely American (I was) and so portray yourself as sweet, gentle and kind and though those traits are evident, they are not the only ones.
On the Filipina side, they mean to entice you to their land, to meet and marry them, and to bring them back to your respective country. Another reason is because the hardworking Filipina is usually happy doing whatever it takes to have a peaceful home.
Why then did I get mixed up with this terrible one? Because she wrote to me initially and I thought it was a kid doing a project for her class at school – she sent me a picture of her at elementary school and didn’t explain otherwise. I recalled having that same type of project when I was in grade school, so the idea wasn’t foreign to me.
We exchanged some letters and on her second one it was evident that she was not a child. The large picture this time was of her as a “Maid of Honor.” Her dress was a soft blue and was floor length, her hair was pulled up and rolled majestically into a bun and she was wearing a silver crown giving her a look of royalty. Was she from an ancient royal family or was this all coincidental?
Her letters told of her siblings going off to Europe or sailing the high seas. And when a person is down and out s/he hopes for a big payoff somehow. Well, I thought this was mine…a beautiful Filipina with money and she evidently liked my long letters because she responded in kind.
We eventually got on target with one another and the letters were received at least twice a week. I usually typed up three of them, all computer written, and they were sent Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Yes we had a great literary relationship. But then we met!
I traveled more than seven thousand miles to meet her – first off – how ridiculous was that? Secondly – she wasn’t where she said she would be and in fact since I had already sent her airfare, she did not show up at all and I was unable to contact her by phone. Thirdly – my cell phone rang and as they were somewhat new to me, I answered, “Hello?”
It was Dang. My conscience was telling me to hang up, take my losses and enjoy my stay. However, my broken mind wouldn’t allow me to do that. Stupidly, I listened to her spiel but when she asked for more money because her brother would accompany her, I told her “No”. Dang had obviously gone through what I originally sent her and was trying to exhort more funds from me.
Those were all thoughts that were zooming through my mind and during our relationship I prayed for a way out. I could have just said no but I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, I could handle the torturous relationship because it would only be for a few weeks and then I’d be free from her control over me. I even prayed not to let me marry her, but maybe that’s why the relationship was doomed from the beginning. Well there was that and also the fact that she would steal money from me and fly back home…I always forgave though, and took her back.
I married her to get her a visa to America because I thought I might need some help flying my baby daughter home with me. I prayed her visa would not be approved, but it was…apparently I didn’t have the faith of even a mustard seed.
The flight to America proved an eye-opener. Dang and I fought continuously and she ended up moving to a seat in the midsection of the 747 while Savannah and I kept the assigned seats on the window side.
Savannah began crying. I gazed over to Dang but she quickly turned her head away from my look. I got up with the baby, even though I am a cripple, and began walking her up one airplane aisle and down the other not cutting across sections but going all the way to the ends. As we neared Dang’s section she was retching and spewing into a plastic vomit bag. I had the flight attendant bring her some water and seven-up as I continued to try and get Savannah out of her crying jag.
Well that part of the journey ended and we had gone through customs at Twin Cities International Airport. I phoned Dad to pick us up but he sent my brother. We got our bags and stepped outside for fresh air and to wait.
Dang remarked to me, “Did somebody leave the air-con on?”
I laughed and said, “We’re outside. Welcome to May 31st in Minnesota.”
Around July 1st I explained to her that we had to return to the Philippine’s in a couple of weeks just so that she could ready herself without any big surprises. “Get your Pasalubongs (a gift or treat brought back to their friends and relatives when one called a balikbayan is lucky enough to get overseas.) ready because that time goes fast diba?”
But then she defiantly looked at me and said, “I’m not going back! Why should I?”
“For a number of reasons Dang! You swore to that embassy guy that you would return and even left your son there as proof that you would. I don’t want to stay here because I can’t afford to support you, your son (whom I was sending $80 a month back to the islands for), our daughter and myself.”
“I will get a job Steve.” And so her control continued.
We would fight daily, not physically, but mentally. At least that was how I fought but she would do both physical and mental abuse. The old me would have laughed most of her antics off, but now I am disabled and so I assumed that I had to endure whatever was thrust upon me because of my crippled condition.
The following is just a sample of e-mails and text messages that were sent in reply to hers and you will see how we couldn’t stand to even look, talk, or breathe the same air as the other…
You make me sick because of your deceitful ways. You see yourself as faultless. But He knows how evil and wicked you are and someday you will have to suffer for what you have done…but I am not writing this to argue.
And if you had not always been so sneaky and deceitful more than 99% of our problems would never have been. You are filth for what you have done to me and to your own daughter and for what you continue to do. Dang, you sent CPS (child protective services) to our townhouse when it was you who was committing the immoral act by having Savannah lay in a single bed lying between you and your boyfriend. The CPS worker told me that you did not have an air mattress, as what you told me. Lying to hurt me is one thing but putting your own daughter in harm’s way was inexcusable.
You said that I made you my sex slave…humph, who wanted me to take pictures of you in the hotel room soon after we met…YOU…I was still, in my heart hoping for a sincere, loving girl… after all that is how you portrayed yourself in the letters. If you want to know the truth I felt bad for you because of your crooked legs. I imagined that nobody ever treated you as beautiful so I didn’t want to ignore your request. If you recall when you wanted to see them the next day I mentioned to you that I accidentally deleted the photos. I tried hard to understand you and the circumstances that made you the way you are. This is only a fact and not make-believe words used to start an argument, but I have never known any individual as lying, conniving, deceitful, totally dishonest and as reprehensible as you.
A person sitting in the courtroom at my sentencing when your letter was read aloud and you had defamed me so terribly…well she turned to Lisa (my independent living skills worker) and said, “I think he has really been taken advantage of; I think he needs help.” Even strangers, see through your lies. Who did you really hurt? That’s right, you. I will have a DNA test anytime you please, (because Dang started to assert that I was not the Father.) An impartial lady told me just last night that Savannah and I looked like twins.
Take heed Dang because they may throw you in jail for being an unfit and uncaring mother and for ruining two innocent, impressionable lives. You have never gotten over Frank…that’s your only problem but because of that you make others miserable.
It was I who allowed you a sanctuary away from the ridicule of your family because you were unmarried and pregnant again.
It was I who immediately tried to find a blood-donor for her even though I only knew a few people and could not speak your native tongue (Savannah was in urgent need of a total blood transfusion). it was I who stayed day and night in the hospital with Savannah (she was hospitalized for ten days and at two different hospitals within days of her birth.).
You lied to me from the beginning and if you remember I was not going to marry you because you were such a thief, a whore (you had me take nude pictures of you in that hotel room, you told me how you enjoyed Francis %$@#&^% you in the @$&. I admit that I was weak and not able to resist your advances but that is all. It was you who wanted sex constantly and the one time I didn’t put out you accused me of getting it somewhere else. Our relationship should never have been and that is my fault for thinking I could marry without love.
Facts are: You hogtied your own son and stuffed a sock in his mouth…evil. You complained of the innocent little boy ruining your life when in fact it was you who ruined his life; he never asked to be brought into this world. And I cut my trip home short because you told me that Boy had fallen down the stairs. Maybe you went into one of your rages and damaged his mouth permanently, maybe?
You said if I cosigned a loan for you it would be repaid with your tax refund of 2006…lie. And because I stepped across your threshold without being invited in you concocted a burglary charge with the police… I blame those gang members (the boys in blue) as much I do you, for the actions. (I will cover that scenario in a different publication.)
I never had so much as a misdemeanor on file until you took over my life! All of a sudden I had a twenty-year charge facing me. You wrote all lies to the courts and really did a number on me…lie, lie, lie….you are just a dirty, filthy liar. You are a no good, slimy, and like your Chinese Zodiac say’s – Snake!
You took advantage of me because I am such an easy target. I never solicited pity from anyone and was always a hard worker. But you would not understand because there is not an ounce of compassion in your veins. You told me your boyfriend’s brother was more disabled than me and he worked…a token handicapped person I will not be. Do you think he could raise a child? Do you not think raising Savannah or any kid is not work…I have the hardest job of all but your decrepit, demented mind will not let you see. I was going to give Savannah to you to raise, but want her raised with respect and to be responsible and with values. I thought better and decided against it because I do not want you to disfigure another child. And anyway, she cried in terror when I told her that I was going to have her mom raise her.
Her social-worker and her teachers have all said that it was the one-on-one care reading to her nightly, and teaching her about foods and always prompting her to experiment and try different things as the reason for her no longer needing outside help of any kind. She is well adjusted…no thanks to you. I am doing an excellent job of raising Savannah despite the trouble you have made for us. Yes Savannah is growing into a beautiful, polite, intelligent and healthy girl…ask anybody especially her teachers from Early Childhood Development in Stillwater to her present day teacher.
I have always purchased appropriate clothing for her depending on the seasons. I have gotten her mind developing games and have discovered she has allergies (that explained her coughing so much) and I had her taking piano lessons until I served my house arrest and was unable to leave…you really have made it hard for me, are you happy?
Savannah’s weekly swim at Courage Center: You know how she loved that because before the divorce you would also go with us, sometimes. You turned her against even that with all of your bogus talk of catching diseases from the old and handicapped. Savannah spent a weekend with you and was returned frightened of going in that pool. She hid behind a chair in the pool area one day and screamed and sobbed for twenty minutes. I had to put an end to her swim instructions, but only until you left for New York…She begins swim lessons again this afternoon, after school and is very excited about that.
And that brings up another issue…I said that you had her sometimes during the month so the support payments would be less and what do you think if I told them you moved a thousand miles away and that we need money for piano, swim, and dance lessons. I have been bearing all expenses on my own and have proof with the receipts. You owe over three-thousand dollars because you very seldom pay or help and because you think of yourself only.
It’s just like you to say that you are supporting Savanna… And don’t think yourself too cute because you still will not be able to claim her as your own. She is not your dependent, but mine…I take her to the doctor, the dentist…swim, dance, and soon music lessons again.
Why haven’t you ever pursued your son, Boy, like you have Savannah? Why didn’t Bob ever adopt Boy like you told me he was going to do? Do you recall my talking to your attorney and saying that I would continue the petition to bring him here? You cancelled it because BOB was going to adopt him, remember? You two were good for each other…both liars and cowards because you did things behind the scenes and never face to face. Well now you both will be watching your backs not because of anything someone will do to you…because of what your mind will do to you.
You brought all this hell onto yourself and you know what…you deserve this and worse. You are a sorry, despicable excuse for a mother.
For the courts to award a child to someone other than Mom is rare. The Mother always gets the child…truth is I did not do anything sneaky to get Savannah but when the judge asked you and not only once, but twice, if you wanted her…your reply was no…whew. No, you just finish your schooling and become rich because in the end the only thing you will end-up with is money and that is your God, so you should be happy.
My experience was not the only horrible experience to ooze from their land. And by the way, I am not finished with this story – I am just getting warmed up!and not only does this sort of disgusting thing happen to unsuspecting American’s but to people all over the world who are naive enough to do what I did. It happens too often and from many different countries, take M. H’s. story for another example.
And lest you think I am too one-sided on this issue I will also post love affairs that have gone horribly wrong for the Filipina as well.
Betrayed by a Filipina he married and brought over to New Zealand
3:51 am | Sunday, June 23rd, 2013
I have just seen your articles in the newspaper about OFWs having affairs.
I am a New Zealand man, 64 years old, who spent nearly four years in an immigration office struggling to bring to my country a Filipino lady. Three times, I visited your beautiful country and met many wonderful people who I came to admire. Finally, I was able to get permission for my lady, aged 48, to come here.
After we married, almost immediately she changed. She refused to assist me in my business, was unwilling to help in the house, unfriended me on Facebook after three days of marriage, and worst of all, she began a destructive session of complaints and lies about me to my family and friends, causing much sorrow and anger among those who know me well.
She was unwilling to sit beside me in the evening, and was only happy when I spent money on her. I had supported this lady for over three years while she was not working in the Philippines, and also some of her relatives, and the cost to me was more than P1.6 million.
After being only married 10 weeks, she left my home and subsequently went to live with a man convicted of two brutal murders. She boasted in an e-mail to me what a wonderful lover this man is and I have heard of some who have done this to other men before, but was saddened that I now have experienced this betrayal.
I love your country and the people there. However, I would say to those contemplating marrying a foreigner—while you need to be careful in your choice, betrayal such as I had is not a recommendation for any man to take a bride from your country.
M. H. ARONSEN
You are one of those unlucky men who had the misfortune of meeting scheming wicked women who clearly target unsuspecting victims from overseas—to scoop them out of poverty in this country, or whatever malicious excuse they can think of.
Many look virginal, play coy, treat you like an emperor, flatter you till you grow scales on your toes, and promise you a fairy-tale existence till kingdom come. They’ll use anything and every ploy to ensnare those looking for love.
You were a willing victim, and sorry for you, this woman obviously had the chops to be audacious and couldn’t wait to unmask, bare herself and discontinue her charade very early on. She just dropped all her pretensions and flung open her true colors the moment she saw how clear the coast was upon signing the marriage certificate.
Did you have a prenup? Can you still report her to immigration for deportation? Will you be protected by your government in cases such as this? Or, couldn’t you have her mental state examined?
The US has wizened up. Marriage to foreigners have to go through a probationary period before the spouse is granted full legitimacy. There are so many tales of woe and horror stories that it’s mind-blowing how a lot still fall into the cracks or get burned.
It is sad that this woman used the currency of love to lure you. There are so many interracial couples who truly fall in love and can’t be together because of the tight grip of bureaucracy. Then the rotten who are utterly creative in evil ways are mixed with these good people, and prevail! Talk about luck, or injustice, as the case may be.
Nothing can assuage your disgust at what happened to you. Give it time. Rest assured that the laws of karma never stop whirling.
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