Why Are You Angry?


Dad,

Let me explain to you my anger towards Scott and his family…. Maybe you’ll still love me, but maybe not?

Always what I have to say, you dismiss.  It’s because you don’t know how to treat me since nearly having my head blown off, and that’s not surprising because I don’t know how to treat myself.  When I say something you often look at me with raised eyebrows as if you can’t believe anything I say.  It’s as though you are looking at a simple-minded-fool.  That may be true, for some of the things I do are foolish.  You treat me as though my mind isn’t right.  I know my mind is not right.  However, my sense of right and wrong seems stronger than ever.  The truth is, I have never been clearer in my understanding of family matters.

You had asked me once what I had against, Scott, well let me tell you, do you have some time?  When he and his snobbish daughter, Layla, saw me at the memorial for our cousin Jean’s daughter, the condescending short glances and half nods told me they were obviously better than me, they thought so anyhow.  I stayed where I was, sitting alone.  

People didn’t like associating with me any longer because of my unnatural movements, I think, and my boring monotone voice.  Brother and niece came into the sanctuary and walked by the first section of filled pews; I sat in the third section. When they reached the middle of the second section; we exchanged those uneasy glances.  Both gave sort of patronizing acknowledgements, but not a definable nod.  

Their heads quickly turned to see if they could find another to sit with, and they of course did.  Scott was rubbing elbows as well as his conceited daughter, with a person whom he told me he couldn’t stomach.  But you see, sitting with a person you detest, was preferable to sitting next to me, his brother.   The next time I looked up, Ava, my older sister was there and the three of them looked so chummy.  Ava also gave the obligatory acknowledgement of a shortened nod in my direction, though; her and I did get together after the services.

One time I stayed at Scott’s house to watch their dog and birds so that he and his wife could vacation at Disney World with their children; it would be a worry-free

The Parakeets
The Parakeets

 

vacation for all.  Scott had not yet succumbed to the slippery ways of his wife but he was on the cusp and of course, the kids were unknowingly raised in awe of the mighty dollar, by their mom.

Dante's pet Lhaso
Dante’s pet Lhaso

Their Lhaso Apso was well-behaved and was no problem.  I had someone to talk to that seemed empathetic toward me, but without pity and that was a nice break.

I collected their mail in front of their home in Glyndon at their mailbox but paid it no mind. At least I didn’t until I tossed the envelopes toward the counter and two of the pieces fell on the floor.   I hung onto the counter with one hand and bent over to fetch the fallen envelopes with the other.  I couldn’t help but notice where one of the bills came from because a week earlier I had tried for the discount dental care myself but was told I made too much, really?  My lowly income of $650 per month at the time didn’t qualify but their joint income of over $60,000, then, did qualify?  Granted, they have four children and I had, none then, but that was so ridiculous.  That may be the moment I started to despise Scott and his family. They always pretend not to take help from anybody, but oh, they turned out to be the worst kind of takers because they didn’t really need the help.

  • Scott’s wife, Amelia, has birthday parties for her kid’s yearly telling them, “Get whatever you can.”   She held those get-together’s (they called them)  into their twenties.
  • However she wouldn’t grace us with her presence at my adopted daughter, Claire’s, third birthday party?  I put a question mark there because though we had
    After telling her that Aunts, Uncles and cousins would be over, but then, none showing was so sad to see,
    Maybe next year, Claire.

    presents, cake, candles, we didn’t have people, nobody came. Maybe the reason why no-one showed was because they were too, “up-in-the-clouds” to enter an apartment building, not at their dignified age, which by the way, most were still years younger than me.  None of my brother’s or sister’s showed even though they had all been sent invitations. It was the strangest thing because when the phone rand approximately ten minutes from each other, my stomach turned uneasily…something had happened to each one of them on that day.

Then in place of staying there and listening to my younger wife scream about my family, Claire and I went for a two-state ride and returned the following day.

When I had mentioned to Scott and Amelia about Claire being diagnosed with autism, Amelia countered immediately with, “Ricky’s probably autistic but we figured we would just let him grow up and he would be fine, no need for concern.”

See, Amelia couldn’t stand for another to have something she didn’t, no matter if it was something good or as socially debilitating as autism. She always has to be more knowledgeable than you. I mean you can’t just say, twenty years ago…meaning a long time ago because she would counter with something like, “It had to be more than twenty years ago because…” she exasperated me but I tried hard always to stay calm because  after all, she was Dante’s wife.

If Ricky suffered from being anywhere on the spectrum, they would worry. She thought that I over-reacted for saying Claire had no friends.   Both of them smilingly said, “Ricky had no friends either,” (but he did have brothers and sisters.) Amelia sees herself as a smart, hardworking, and righteous person. She is a know it all, and that’s it.

  • Dad, when you were moved from your home in Glyndon, Minnesota to St. Paul so you could be nearer the services needed, Scott of course was there along with
    Home in Glyndon, MN
    Home in Glyndon, MN

    his wife to help, as was I, do you remember? He checked the walls out for patching and took care of what needed to be done. While I was cleaning the windows in your bedroom Scott came in and said to me, “I don’t understand why Mom couldn’t have cleaned behind the fridge and stove…it was nasty! She knew we were moving her today.”

Then I had to say something, “Wow…Our mom is old Scott. What excuse do you or your wife have? You guys have no excuse! I wasn’t going to say anything because I was embarrassed, for you, but now that you brought it up… Do you remember when I stayed at your place that week to watch your pets and your house?  I did the best I could cleaning the gunk from the microwave but I was unable to remove some of the dried-on food. I think it cooked into the plastic. How could you stand to eat anything from there?”

I told Scott how I had to clean their stove top, fridge and counters and the inside of the cabinets were in need of heavy-duty cleaning and sorting. I did not go on the inside of the cupboards, as I didn’t know if that would be okay for me to do. The carpet was filthy with much hair, feathers, and bird food surrounding the cage.  Your vac was broke so I drove into Fargo to buy a vacuüm cleaner to do your rug. “Don’t you dare accuse mom of being dirty! She could not move the heavy refrigerator any more — at eighty-seven years old what do you expect?”

Furthermore Dad, I do not appreciate their kids obviously ignoring me and in Layla’s case sticking her nose in the air as she disdainfully walked by me. Do you recall when I mentioned to Scott about his kids needing respect? Well, even though he didn’t talk to them, (he claims) they were nice to me at Mom’s wake. The next time I saw them at her funeral a day later, they were back to snubbing me.

There was one visit to United Hospital by Scott in St. Paul. I cannot recall if the following occurred at St. Joe’s in downtown St. Paul, or the nursing home in Maple Lake: but Amelia was there inviting everyone to her son’s umpteenth birthday party. Their money-grubbing ways never end! Mom was lying on her deathbed. I don’t think Amelia or any of their kids ever, just visited.   No, as far as I know that was the only time…she figured she would be able to reach the most number of people to invite to the kid’s birthday party. Always and only, if she could reap some sort of reward from the happening, she would be there.

Maybe Scott showed up once at the nursing home in Rochester near the Mayo Clinic. I was there daily but I never saw him. I was astounded by their insensitive ways.

Mayo Clinic, Rochester, MN
Mayo Clinic, Rochester, MN

Then Scott brings his family to see Mom, and act sad while she was on her last deathbed. Layla, made a crack to Claire as she headed back to see Mom.

Layla told her, “Why go back, you’re not in the will.” That was the only reason Scott’s family was there, not out of love, nor caring, but dollars how insensitive and rude!

Mom passed at 4 A.M but I wasn’t notified for five hours at about 9 A. M.  But of course the slights given Mom by Scott and his family have all been forgotten.   So, this old cripple will stay away from the family as much as possible and those are some of the reasons.

I love you Dad.

 

 

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One thought on “Why Are You Angry?

  1. Somebody, after reading the article, posted that they didn’t think it was fiction. When I asked why, their answer was, “Because it’s too believable.” I had always thought that good fiction would indeed draw the reader in; I thought believability was a good thing?

    Like

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